Blog

2009 Update

Tue, 20 Oct 2009 13:23:00 -0400

Greetings Beautiful Souls...

Amazingly... three years... floating on pennies and we are still here! 2009 has been a year of product development, victim recovery support, viral promotions and healing! We've come a long way since our early days of beach vigils and paper flyers but we are still pushing for this cause. I'm steadily healing, now managing to have 4-5 hours a day on my feet... an increase from 1 hour per day.

We have been providing victim recovery facilitation services to clients from the UK, Korea, and the United States via online and phone support. We have actively produced and posted viral videos and letters of awareness and pleas for active response throughout the entire year. In addition, we are continuing to develop a number of family focused books and videos for the upcoming 2010 "Historic Walk Of Love Tour".

We are also working on the 2010 Fund-raising event, "The Sweet Tea Jamboree", a celebration of Southern Sweet Tea and all it signifies. The event will be held in Savannah Georgia! We are expecting to start off as a small celebration this coming year and grow it year after year!

Currently, we are STILL pinching pennies to raise the necessary funds to file for our 501-C3 tax exemption. So, this Holiday Season, we are asking for your support. We desperately need resources to stay afloat and continue providing full time services to our clients and begin product reproduction and distribution to our goal of 100,000 families in 2010. Please consider a small gift of Change and help us help others in their efforts to change their lives! Click the gift Card and donate the kind of change that will truly make change in the lives of others! If for any reason the link does not function for you, please visit the home page and scroll down to the bottom to submit your Gift of Change. Free Historic Walk of Love memorabilia will be mailed to donors contributing $5 or more! Thank you in advance for your generous support!

Healing up nicely...

Sat, 06 Sep 2008 15:50:16 -0400

Hello loverly people,

Well, I've been off my walking stick now for about a week! FEELS WONDERFUL! I'm so looking forward to getting back to the cause at hand. After four months, my feet are still incredibly sore but I'm healing up nicely. I've SOOO much to catch up on.

We are coming out with both a coloring book for kids and The Historic Walk of Love Photo Documentary book with DVD. We are so excited. The release hopes to be by the anniversary of the 250 Mile Push for awareness.

We are also going to hold a 10 mile Push/walk in memory of the 250 Mile Push, now known as "The Historic Walk of Love". The event will cover the first ten miles of my Journey leading into Savannah. This event will be held in conjunction with the FIRST Annual Sweet Tea Jamboree! More details on that by December 08!

A possible Marathon Relay is being considered for 2010 called "The Human Race" which will cover the total of 250 Miles! We are beginning that search now! We will need 15 committed Marathon Runners to proceed with this idea of a Marathon Relay. If you are interested, contact The Wagon Lady via the wagon lady website listed below. Look for more details coming soon!

http://www.thewagonlady.webs.com

New Web Site!

Tue, 17 Jun 2008 10:14:14 -0400

Hey everyone, it's me, Rachel, once again and forever more, THANK YOU for your love and support during the 250 Mile Push for awareness. Thank you also for your patience as I update and shift gears into phase two of my mission. Please be alert to the fact that I've built a new website for information on the wagon and my future with the wagon. If you'd like more information on what happens next regarding the 250 Mile Push for Awareness, please go to:

http://www.thewagonlady.webs.com

Love and light... Ms. Milano

What's Stopping You?

Sat, 31 May 2008 17:08:03 -0400

Do you remember the story of the person on the roof top in a flood who prayed to God to save him? Three rescuers went by and shouted out to the man to jump in and the man refused saying his God would save him, and then, when the man drowned and went to heaven God said he sent three rescuers to save him... you all may have heard this story several times, it was even told in the movie, The Pursuit of Happiness. So now I present a twist to a similar story in hopes that we all wash this story out of our minds for good!

Yesterday, a woman wrote into a radio station seeking help because she had been in a relationship where she became an enabler and victim to a man who was a crack addict, and for 20 years he abused her and the kids. I then heard the radio personalities tear into her about how "stupid" she was and pointing out all the things she ALREADY knew and felt PRIOR to writing in. She wrote in for HELP and got ripped into. Then I heard it... you've got to save yourself here!.... and I'm thinking.... WHAT?????????????????????????

Not that there is anything wrong with self reliance, but there comes at time when a person is disabled beyond their personal ability to help themselves and this woman had been drowning in this for 20 years... this situation required more and less than less was given.

So then I'm annoyed because, who the hell are they to say this? I instantly remembered the story of the man on the roof and what I learned from that. Let me change that story for one moment. Let us put this woman on the roof top in the story of the flood, only this time, when she is waiting for help from God... the rescuers think she is nuts and keep moving... which may have been what the rescuers in the first story passing by thought anyway... yet this woman had enough courage to write into the radio station for help, airing her dirty laundry to the whole nation. IF the radio station would have considered itself the true rescuers passing to help her... (and remember, there was plenty of time to plan help for her considering the letter was chosen and responded to prior to being aired on national syndicated radio) then what stopped them from actually helping? They presented the whole "JUMP!!!! OR YOU'LL DROWN" thing yes... but who of them got into the water to swim to the roof to save her? Who of them asked her if she could swim? Who of them that said she was crazy stopped and said... 'hey... wait... something is not right here... maybe we should let her know WE are sent from GOD to help her (if we are sticking to the whole story with the flood)' OR maybe, 'we realize she is unable to help herself simply by the things she says' and then decide to go in after her rather than blame her or laugh at her.

How easy it is for us as a people to stand in judgment of the person in crisis, blaming them for not finding the strength to get out of a situation. You can shout up to a man in a burning building five stories up... JUMP!!!!!! Having no idea that his lungs are filled with smoke which have made him delusional and he can barely hear every other word you speak. When he burns up we say ... 'he should have jumped... we told him to jump... we had a cushion down here for him.' Yet who called the fire and rescue, got the neighbors ladder, went into the building to assess his possibilities of escape, since he may not be in his right mind. It is so easy to judge and blame the victim of any situation. We are slow to judge if we did or are doing our best for the person requesting our help.

Yelling "GET OUT" to a victim is hardly what saves them. Why could that station not have said all they wanted and then say... 'but hey... you know what... even though we think you're crazy for staying with this man for 20 years, we've called the local AL-ANON and they are prepared to accept you into their program and further more, for the next one month, we have set it up for someone to pick you up and take you there. Not to mention, the local women in abuse shelter said they would be willing to help you, so stay on the line and let us see what we can do to turn things around for you.' How HARD would that have been?

I can prove in one thought how easy it would have been... let that man on the roof top or that woman writing in have been their child, young or grown, they wouldn't have thought twice about JUMPING in to rescue them rather than shouting JUMP! Even more... what if it was YOUR child? What would prevented you? FEAR... fear of loosing or spending something within ourselves that we did not plan to or feel the need to. Giving is hard for those who stand in judgment but when we step out of judgment and commit to the fullness of compassion through to the end, we always feel better about ourselves... like we gained more than the sacrifice. Yet... fear of getting involved... fear of needing to commit to helping someone... fear of discovering something about ourselves that we did not want to face or discovering that person may need us to extend ourselves past the crisis... fear of taking the time... and fear of having our help rejected... all this prevents us and so the easiest thing to do is fault them for not saving them selves. Telling someone to save themselves requires little of us and thus we feel no need to commit to involvement, seeing it through.

So through this situation, that radio station sent this kind message to victims across the nation ... If you can't trust that asking for help will get you any help, especially while mentally, physically and or emotionally you are too disabled by your circumstances to free yourself, then perhaps you'll be better off staying put, considering the world will just beat you up and send you back to your pit of destruction, if you dare ask for help. Who wants to be bothered?

I don't know... maybe I am just responding in my own frustration right now, but one thing I know, is we are all accountable for our rights and our wrongs. People don't have to suit our standard of living or belief system to be granted GRACE, mercy or our best efforts in sincere help. That is what I have learned and I hope others can gain from it.

Love and light to you all...

Ms. Rachel E. Milano

"There are no dead ends, only detours... and some are not so scenic." ... Ms. Milano

Forward Creation

Fri, 30 May 2008 06:28:56 -0400

Each moment of each day is added creation. We, are a people partaking in that effort, procreating with every breath we take... adding to the creative forces in our uniquely ordained ways.

If you could, take a moment to consider, that all life from the beginning of time has come up to this moment, inside of you... inside of each of us. All of creation has come up to this moment! It is amazing how far we've come not only as a people but as a world. The possibility that nothing exists beyond this moment seems impossible but in fact, as we evolve throughout this day, we are actively advancing through and with creation process, becoming the history of tomorrow.

By living deliberately, we consciously bring the past forward and compare it to prior knowledge, experience and ways of responding, so that we can determine how best to meld it with the present experience. Once we have responded, it is good to take a moment to reflect on what we have contributed to the new day, hour... moment. Living deliberately is the way in which we pause and consider how to positively impact our contribution to the next moment. It is so important for us all to realize that we are each woven together and my contribution and yours will directly impact each of our living experiences on a grand scale.

When we fall short of living deliberately, we DEFAULT to a subconscious living experience by responding based on our current state of survival which is simply our past brought forward. This leaves us to responding based on preconditioned behaviors, ideas, traditions and comforts. Some of these ways may be fine to live by but not so fine to develop and grow by (thrive). Slowing down or stretching the band with of time prior to making a decision in life or what is known as taking the next step, we give ourselves the opportunity to weigh the pros and cons of that next step. I like to say, this gives us a clearer vantage point on the circumstance we are faced with enabling us to weigh the appropriate and most effective response to the situation.

Doing this takes patience and grace given to ourselves and by the 'body', all of us. I challenge and encourage each of us to pursuit the passion of full participation in this our life creation. Living out your purpose in awareness with a conscious response to today will add to all of our abilities to thrive in this place in which we survive.

Love and light go with all...
Ms. Rachel Milano

The past

Mon, 26 May 2008 08:04:20 -0400

have a wish. I wish people would stop telling other's to let go of the past. What on God's green earth kind of advice is that? The whole "Letting go" phenomenon must come to an end. There is no letting go of the past! To try and convince people to do so is not only self destructive to the victim but to our society as a whole. How do you let go of something that has a hold on you? Let someone grab you by the neck and you tell yourself to let go of their arms because they are trying to choke the life out of you. It doesn't work like that. The hold must let go first before you stop defending your life and responding with cries out in pain! You will naturally let go once the hold on you is released. Can the victim do anything to help release that hold? Yes, as I will discuss in my next article. However, must we continue to fault the victim for failing to recover because they won't let go? The past contributes to our future, our future as a people.

I remember when I experienced the whole "forgive and let go" "process", it seemed so simple, all I had to do was do it. So, I put on a happy out look on life. I even wore a smile that could raise the dead and when asked how I was doing, I impressively responded, "Great, everything is just wonderful!" My internal self was decaying and all my external presentation, my going through the motions of wellness, was not helping me but making me feel like a fake and a liar not only to myself but to everyone I spoke to. I was NOT okay! I was still hurting, still being eaten alive by the pains of my past, which because of their devastating impact, were not solely my past but my present as well. The people around me though, they felt better about me and for me. I was smiling, laughing and saying positive things, so I guess I was doing fine in their eyes. Right? Making them feel comfortable and without felling the obligation of being responsive to my needs. This "forgive and let go" delusion is for the benefit of those who are not suffering, not for the struggling survivor. It is not to make things easier for the suffering but easier for the non suffering to manage the smell of emotional decay in their presence!

Who is telling victim abusers to let go of their past so that they can move on in their lives and have better days free of guilt and shame? Who is telling them to let go of their past offenses and get over their impulses to further abuse? Are we not holding the victim abuser accountable, responsible? Then it is our responsibility as leaders and people of support to encourage emotional self defense training, genuine recovery, internal repair, and "complete being rebuilding" rather than passive resistance and futile attempts at ignoring or burying the past. Dismissing the past is not the answer for victim or abuser. Out of sight is not out of mind for the abused. The "Forgive and Let Go" process is nonsense, and shame on any organization or leader that supports such foolish counsel! The advice to think and speak positively about life, and "just let go" is dangerous and creates victims of false recovery. Please, let's stop adding to the crimes against struggling survivors. These individuals do not want to learn how to pacify themselves, they want to know how to heal, how to become a valued part of life. Let's be willing to provide just counsel and put and end to pacification.

Copyright 2006-2007 Ms. Rachel E. Milano

Left hand vs Right hand

Fri, 23 May 2008 08:10:43 -0400

Greetings,

A questions dawned on me yesterday. I asked myself... "If your left hand was male and your right hand was female, and you, being female, favored your right hand, would you tie up your left hand in order to remain productive in this world simply because your left hand was male?"

Today, we women have created a "man made" women's issue that goes beyond what we intended when the battle for equal rights under the law began. Our men are angry and bitter, full of resentment and alienation simply because we have tied their hand behind our backs! Men and women alike who seek to suppress and degrade the opposite sex, please consider what you are doing.

I speak to my women because I am of your kind, but we are all huMan. Untie your sexist ways and mentalities before you cripple our kind for generations to come! Men have a valuable place in our society and in our families AND in our beds! Stop humiliating them in TV/Radio commercials, talk shows, screen works and in conversations with your friends! Support the strengths of our GOOD men, hold them accountable for their weaknesses and offer help when they are in need!

Every GOOD woman who gives birth to a boy desires to raise a strong man, but due to our extremest ways, we have nurtured a society which has lost it's balance. If we continue on this course and are not careful in how we treat the men around us, our boys will grow up in a world of men who consistently curse and abuse women for the hatred they have shown toward them. This battle of the sexes has gone on too long and is now endangering the welfare of our children's generation. It simply must come to an end!

Help our men see that we are not what Bitc*** are made of, we are not what Ho** are made of, we are what Love is made of JUST LIKE THEY ARE! It takes TWO hands to kneed bread ladies... untie the other hand, let our men do their parts and our bread, our creative energy, our achievements, our children, our communities, our world will yield prosperity for huManity! "Two hands in is a win win!" Don't fool yourselves, men's issues are woman's issue, let's stop taking our men for granted... strive for balance of the sexes! Highlight a man for his strengths and underscore his weaknesses! You can make a difference with just this ONE women's issue! Love and light, never give up the fight!

This e-mail blast has been brought to you by:

Author of The Mosaic: Shattered Pieces and Public Speaker on Traumatic Abuse Prevention and Recovery Motivation, Ms. Rachel Milano

In all you do, be well... and do not keep silent,

Ms. Rachel Milano

Dog Tags

Wed, 21 May 2008 21:28:35 -0400

Greetings to all Struggling Survivors and the people they touch,

Are you, or do you know of someone who is a house mate being consistantly verbally or physically abused? Are you or they considering moving out of the home? Then this message is for them or for you.

Why should YOU move out of YOUR house? Remember, you are the victim in this circumstance, the one being threatened... go to a judge, file an order of protection from abuse, state your reasons why you feel threatened, and let the judge order him or her out. There is no reason why you should be emotionally muscled out of your own home. If you share a space with someone who is threatening you, then you are not safe, not at all. He or she is volatile to say the least and escalating aggressions could lead to far worse circumstances for you. If he/she has touched you inappropriately/aggressively, things will only escalate and you will be far more injured having to face recovery issues you never thought you would have to endure.

You would be wise to keep your distance... the best way to put a stop to an abusive situation is distance. There is no convincing this person that you are doing anything right. If you have expressed your concern, then the information has been delivered... he/she is aware of your feelings of violation, don't stick around in hopes to see improvement when he/she clearly won't show respect for your concerns. Remember, he/she has already sh** on you, so it is too difficult in ones state of rage to see you as other than their personal receptacle. The line of friend to victim has already been crossed and you have already enabled this person to do so, that being said, at this point... in this person's mind... you are free target. You will not be able to change his/her views on this because most victim-abusers feel they have the upper hand, thus as the victim you are stupid and know nothing and they are the powerful ones who dominate and control YOU... in other words, you don't tell them sh**... THEY TELL YOU. This is their created reality... but it is NOT reality!

Has he/she ever called you out of your name? Using tags for you such as: Bit**, Ho*, MTFu****, SOB, etc." Using these dog tag names means that the value he/she had on your relationship is now meaningless. Your name personalizes your identity in ones mind, keeps you a person rather than an object of his aggression. (The element of human dignity lies within ones name) Now that you are "bit**" or "SOB" rather than your given name, he/she could do anything to you... anything!

Here is an additional concern... do you have a pet? Victim-abusers have commonly been known to be cruel to animals and if he/she is already doing things in your home to instigate you, and you are non-responsive, he/she will search for things which you hold dearest in order to force you into being responsive. Quite frankly, your pet is just as vulnerable to your circumstances as you are.

You MUST be free to live, you are not meant to be a prisoner of your own home, neither is your pet. If you live in a situation similar to this, you are emotionally hostage to this person. I know that finding a new place... or a temporary place until he/she leaves might be difficult, but if you can remove yourself and your pet from the environment immediately it would be in both your best interests. DO NOT LET HIM/HER make you feel ashamed of what HE/SHE is doing to you. Telling others that you are not safe is GOOD! GET HELP, you may not have to do this alone and there may be a way to get help for your pet as well. In the end, you will do what you can do, what you deem is best for you. I wish you the best! Love and light and never give up the fight...

This e-mail blast has been brought to you by:

Author of The Mosaic: Shattered Pieces and Public Speaker on Traumatic Abuse Prevention and Recovery Motivation, Ms. Rachel Milano

In all you do, be well... and do not keep silent,

Ms. Rachel Milano

A Poem for Heather

Mon, 19 May 2008 07:30:54 -0400

Dear Sis,
tonight I light a candle
your life I love and miss
sometimes I can't handle

The reality that you're not here
here, yes, but not so much
I wish to hear you full of cheer
to shop, do our nails and such

Remember on the bus that day?
we sang real loud to the driver
I still hear your voice that way
loud like mine only then, liver

Remember how I took those beatings for you?
I'd take 10,000 more for another hug
beating done you'd comfort me, a love true
those tender arms that held me snug

The older I get, faint grows your voice
sis, I don't want to forget you ever
that you're gone and I'm here is life's choice
I will hold on, letting you go... never

So I light this candle in your honor
every month remembering the seven years
of love, of presence, for just one hour
Maybe this time, I'll even shed some tears

Cleanse the lost till I find you near
I light this fire to make the world aware
children like you have the right not to fear
for their life when in danger or lack of care

Winds, carry this message as a kiss
may you rest in peace eternally
You were a light in this world, sis
now I can shine my light brightly

http://www.youtube.com/MsRachelMilano

From the forward to "The Mosaic; Shattered Pieces" by Ms. Rachel E. Milano

Thu, 15 May 2008 09:26:42 -0400

"I wanted to be an open example of the
positive statistics that do exist throughout our nation. Our
society highlights the negative statistics when it should
delight in the positive ones. It says that if you were a victim
of sexual assault as a child, you are more likely to become
a sex offender; if you were raised by an alcoholic you are
more likely to become an alcoholic, et cetera. I write this
book standing for all of those who challenge themselves to
prove the least likely. We can be the majority.
It is not natural to fi ght for our freedom to thrive.
Unfortunately, the only way to thrive beyond survival is to
fi ght for it. Those of us who live out the positive statistics
hold up our fl ags of freedom knowing we fight intently and
daily for that privilege."

By Rachel E. Milano