Stop~Watch & Respond!
Actively Preventing Childhood Trauma!
Blog
2009 Update
Posted by REM
at 01:23 PM on October 20, 2009
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comments (0)
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Greetings Beautiful Souls...
Amazingly... three years... floating on pennies and we are still here! 2009 has been a year of product development, victim recovery support, viral promotions and healing! We've come a long way since our early days of beach vigils and paper flyers but we are still pushing for this cause. I'm steadily healing, now managing to have 4-5 hours a day on my feet... an increase from 1 hour per day.
We have been providing victim recovery facilitation services to clients from the UK, Korea, and the United States via online and phone support. We have actively produced and posted viral videos and letters of awareness and pleas for active response throughout the entire year. In addition, we are continuing to develop a number of family focused books and videos for the upcoming 2010 "Historic Walk Of Love Tour".
We are also working on the 2010 Fund-raising event, "The Sweet Tea Jamboree", a celebration of Southern Sweet Tea and all it signifies. The event will be held in Savannah Georgia! We are expecting to start off as a small celebration this coming year and grow it year after year!
Currently, we are STILL pinching pennies to raise the necessary funds to file for our 501-C3 tax exemption. So, this Holiday Season, we are asking for your support. We desperately need resources to stay afloat and continue providing full time services to our clients and begin product reproduction and distribution to our goal of 100,000 families in 2010. Please consider a small gift of Change and help us help others in their efforts to change their lives! Click the gift Card and donate the kind of change that will truly make change in the lives of others! If for any reason the link does not function for you, please visit the home page and scroll down to the bottom to submit your Gift of Change. Free Historic Walk of Love memorabilia will be mailed to donors contributing $5 or more! Thank you in advance for your generous support!
Healing up nicely...
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Posted by REM
at 03:50 PM on September 06, 2008
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Hello loverly people,
Well, I've been off my walking stick now for about a week! FEELS WONDERFUL! I'm so looking forward to getting back to the cause at hand. After four months, my feet are still incredibly sore but I'm healing up nicely. I've SOOO much to catch up on.
We are coming out with both a coloring book for kids and The Historic Walk of Love Photo Documentary book with DVD. We are so excited. The release hopes to be by the anniversary of the 250 Mile Push for awareness.
We are also going to hold a 10 mile Push/walk in memory of the 250 Mile Push, now known as "The Historic Walk of Love". The event will cover the first ten miles of my Journey leading into Savannah. This event will be held in conjunction with the FIRST Annual Sweet Tea Jamboree! More details on that by December 08!
A possible Marathon Relay is being considered for 2010 called "The Human Race" which will cover the total of 250 Miles! We are beginning that search now! We will need 15 committed Marathon Runners to proceed with this idea of a Marathon Relay. If you are interested, contact The Wagon Lady via the wagon lady website listed below. Look for more details coming soon!
New Web Site!
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Posted by REM
at 10:14 AM on June 17, 2008
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comments (0)
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Hey everyone, it's me, Rachel, once again and forever more, THANK YOU for your love and support during the 250 Mile Push for awareness. Thank you also for your patience as I update and shift gears into phase two of my mission. Please be alert to the fact that I've built a new website for information on the wagon and my future with the wagon. If you'd like more information on what happens next regarding the 250 Mile Push for Awareness, please go to:
http://www.thewagonlady.webs.com
Love and light... Ms. Milano
http://www.thewagonlady.webs.com
Love and light... Ms. Milano
What's Stopping You?
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Posted by REM
at 05:08 PM on May 31, 2008
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comments (0)
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Do you remember the story of the person on the roof top in a flood
who prayed to God to save him? Three rescuers went by and shouted out
to the man to jump in and the man refused saying his God would save
him, and then, when the man drowned and went to heaven God said he sent
three rescuers to save him... you all may have heard this story several
times, it was even told in the movie, The Pursuit of Happiness. So now
I present a twist to a similar story in hopes that we all wash this
story out of our minds for good!
Yesterday,
a woman wrote into a radio station seeking help because she had been in
a relationship where she became an enabler and victim to a man who was
a crack addict, and for 20 years he abused her and the kids. I then
heard the radio personalities tear into her about how "stupid" she was
and pointing out all the things she ALREADY knew and felt PRIOR to
writing in. She wrote in for HELP and got ripped into. Then I heard
it... you've got to save yourself here!.... and I'm thinking....
WHAT?????????????????????????
Not
that there is anything wrong with self reliance, but there comes at
time when a person is disabled beyond their personal ability to help
themselves and this woman had been drowning in this for 20 years...
this situation required more and less than less was given.
So
then I'm annoyed because, who the hell are they to say this? I
instantly remembered the story of the man on the roof and what I
learned from that. Let me change that story for one moment. Let us put
this woman on the roof top in the story of the flood, only this time,
when she is waiting for help from God... the rescuers think she is nuts
and keep moving... which may have been what the rescuers in the first
story passing by thought anyway... yet this woman had enough courage to
write into the radio station for help, airing her dirty laundry to the
whole nation. IF the radio station would have considered itself the
true rescuers passing to help her... (and remember, there was plenty of
time to plan help for her considering the letter was chosen and
responded to prior to being aired on national syndicated radio) then
what stopped them from actually helping? They presented the whole
"JUMP!!!! OR YOU'LL DROWN" thing yes... but who of them got into the
water to swim to the roof to save her? Who of them asked her if she
could swim? Who of them that said she was crazy stopped and said...
'hey... wait... something is not right here... maybe we should let her
know WE are sent from GOD to help her (if we are sticking to the whole
story with the flood)' OR maybe, 'we realize she is unable to help
herself simply by the things she says' and then decide to go in after
her rather than blame her or laugh at her.
How
easy it is for us as a people to stand in judgment of the person in
crisis, blaming them for not finding the strength to get out of a
situation. You can shout up to a man in a burning building five stories
up... JUMP!!!!!! Having no idea that his lungs are filled with smoke
which have made him delusional and he can barely hear every other word
you speak. When he burns up we say ... 'he should have jumped... we
told him to jump... we had a cushion down here for him.' Yet who called
the fire and rescue, got the neighbors ladder, went into the building
to assess his possibilities of escape, since he may not be in his right
mind. It is so easy to judge and blame the victim of any situation. We
are slow to judge if we did or are doing our best for the person
requesting our help.
Yelling
"GET OUT" to a victim is hardly what saves them. Why could that station
not have said all they wanted and then say... 'but hey... you know
what... even though we think you're crazy for staying with this man for
20 years, we've called the local AL-ANON and they are prepared to
accept you into their program and further more, for the next one month,
we have set it up for someone to pick you up and take you there. Not to
mention, the local women in abuse shelter said they would be willing to
help you, so stay on the line and let us see what we can do to turn
things around for you.' How HARD would that have been?
I
can prove in one thought how easy it would have been... let that man on
the roof top or that woman writing in have been their child, young or
grown, they wouldn't have thought twice about JUMPING in to rescue them
rather than shouting JUMP! Even more... what if it was YOUR child? What
would prevented you? FEAR... fear of loosing or spending something
within ourselves that we did not plan to or feel the need to. Giving is
hard for those who stand in judgment but when we step out of judgment
and commit to the fullness of compassion through to the end, we always
feel better about ourselves... like we gained more than the sacrifice.
Yet... fear of getting involved... fear of needing to commit to helping
someone... fear of discovering something about ourselves that we did
not want to face or discovering that person may need us to extend
ourselves past the crisis... fear of taking the time... and fear of
having our help rejected... all this prevents us and so the easiest
thing to do is fault them for not saving them selves. Telling someone
to save themselves requires little of us and thus we feel no need to
commit to involvement, seeing it through.
So
through this situation, that radio station sent this kind message to
victims across the nation ... If you can't trust that asking for help
will get you any help, especially while mentally, physically and or
emotionally you are too disabled by your circumstances to free
yourself, then perhaps you'll be better off staying put, considering
the world will just beat you up and send you back to your pit of
destruction, if you dare ask for help. Who wants to be bothered?
I
don't know... maybe I am just responding in my own frustration right
now, but one thing I know, is we are all accountable for our rights and
our wrongs. People don't have to suit our standard of
living or belief system to be granted GRACE, mercy or our best efforts
in sincere help. That is what I have learned and I hope others can gain from it.
Love and light to you all...
Ms. Rachel E. Milano
"There are no dead ends, only detours... and some are not so scenic." ... Ms. Milano
Forward Creation
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Posted by REM
at 06:28 AM on May 30, 2008
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Each moment of each day is added creation. We, are a people partaking
in that effort, procreating with every breath we take... adding to the
creative forces in our uniquely ordained ways.
If you could, take a moment to consider, that all life from the beginning of time has come up to this moment, inside of you... inside of each of us. All of creation has come up to this moment! It is amazing how far we've come not only as a people but as a world. The possibility that nothing exists beyond this moment seems impossible but in fact, as we evolve throughout this day, we are actively advancing through and with creation process, becoming the history of tomorrow.
By living deliberately, we consciously bring the past forward and compare it to prior knowledge, experience and ways of responding, so that we can determine how best to meld it with the present experience. Once we have responded, it is good to take a moment to reflect on what we have contributed to the new day, hour... moment. Living deliberately is the way in which we pause and consider how to positively impact our contribution to the next moment. It is so important for us all to realize that we are each woven together and my contribution and yours will directly impact each of our living experiences on a grand scale.
When we fall short of living deliberately, we DEFAULT to a subconscious living experience by responding based on our current state of survival which is simply our past brought forward. This leaves us to responding based on preconditioned behaviors, ideas, traditions and comforts. Some of these ways may be fine to live by but not so fine to develop and grow by (thrive). Slowing down or stretching the band with of time prior to making a decision in life or what is known as taking the next step, we give ourselves the opportunity to weigh the pros and cons of that next step. I like to say, this gives us a clearer vantage point on the circumstance we are faced with enabling us to weigh the appropriate and most effective response to the situation.
Doing this takes patience and grace given to ourselves and by the 'body', all of us. I challenge and encourage each of us to pursuit the passion of full participation in this our life creation. Living out your purpose in awareness with a conscious response to today will add to all of our abilities to thrive in this place in which we survive.
Love and light go with all...
Ms. Rachel Milano
If you could, take a moment to consider, that all life from the beginning of time has come up to this moment, inside of you... inside of each of us. All of creation has come up to this moment! It is amazing how far we've come not only as a people but as a world. The possibility that nothing exists beyond this moment seems impossible but in fact, as we evolve throughout this day, we are actively advancing through and with creation process, becoming the history of tomorrow.
By living deliberately, we consciously bring the past forward and compare it to prior knowledge, experience and ways of responding, so that we can determine how best to meld it with the present experience. Once we have responded, it is good to take a moment to reflect on what we have contributed to the new day, hour... moment. Living deliberately is the way in which we pause and consider how to positively impact our contribution to the next moment. It is so important for us all to realize that we are each woven together and my contribution and yours will directly impact each of our living experiences on a grand scale.
When we fall short of living deliberately, we DEFAULT to a subconscious living experience by responding based on our current state of survival which is simply our past brought forward. This leaves us to responding based on preconditioned behaviors, ideas, traditions and comforts. Some of these ways may be fine to live by but not so fine to develop and grow by (thrive). Slowing down or stretching the band with of time prior to making a decision in life or what is known as taking the next step, we give ourselves the opportunity to weigh the pros and cons of that next step. I like to say, this gives us a clearer vantage point on the circumstance we are faced with enabling us to weigh the appropriate and most effective response to the situation.
Doing this takes patience and grace given to ourselves and by the 'body', all of us. I challenge and encourage each of us to pursuit the passion of full participation in this our life creation. Living out your purpose in awareness with a conscious response to today will add to all of our abilities to thrive in this place in which we survive.
Love and light go with all...
Ms. Rachel Milano
The past
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Posted by REM
at 08:04 AM on May 26, 2008
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have a wish. I wish people would
stop telling other's to let go of the past. What on God's green earth
kind of advice is that? The whole "Letting go" phenomenon must come to
an end. There is no letting go of the past! To try and convince people
to do so is not only self destructive to the victim but to our society
as a whole. How do you let go of something that has a hold on you? Let
someone grab you by the neck and you tell yourself to let go of their
arms because they are trying to choke the life out of you. It doesn't work like that.
The hold must let go first before you stop defending your life and
responding with cries out in pain! You will naturally let go once the
hold on you is released. Can the victim do anything to help release
that hold? Yes, as I will discuss in my next article. However, must we
continue to fault the victim for failing to recover because they won't
let go? The past contributes to our future, our future as a people.
I remember when I experienced the whole "forgive and let go" "process", it seemed so simple, all I had to do was do it. So, I put on a happy out look on life. I even wore a smile that could raise the dead and when asked how I was doing, I impressively responded, "Great, everything is just wonderful!" My internal self was decaying and all my external presentation, my going through the motions of wellness, was not helping me but making me feel like a fake and a liar not only to myself but to everyone I spoke to. I was NOT okay! I was still hurting, still being eaten alive by the pains of my past, which because of their devastating impact, were not solely my past but my present as well. The people around me though, they felt better about me and for me. I was smiling, laughing and saying positive things, so I guess I was doing fine in their eyes. Right? Making them feel comfortable and without felling the obligation of being responsive to my needs. This "forgive and let go" delusion is for the benefit of those who are not suffering, not for the struggling survivor. It is not to make things easier for the suffering but easier for the non suffering to manage the smell of emotional decay in their presence!
Who is telling victim abusers to let go of their past so that they can move on in their lives and have better days free of guilt and shame? Who is telling them to let go of their past offenses and get over their impulses to further abuse? Are we not holding the victim abuser accountable, responsible? Then it is our responsibility as leaders and people of support to encourage emotional self defense training, genuine recovery, internal repair, and "complete being rebuilding" rather than passive resistance and futile attempts at ignoring or burying the past. Dismissing the past is not the answer for victim or abuser. Out of sight is not out of mind for the abused. The "Forgive and Let Go" process is nonsense, and shame on any organization or leader that supports such foolish counsel! The advice to think and speak positively about life, and "just let go" is dangerous and creates victims of false recovery. Please, let's stop adding to the crimes against struggling survivors. These individuals do not want to learn how to pacify themselves, they want to know how to heal, how to become a valued part of life. Let's be willing to provide just counsel and put and end to pacification.
Copyright 2006-2007 Ms. Rachel E. Milano
I remember when I experienced the whole "forgive and let go" "process", it seemed so simple, all I had to do was do it. So, I put on a happy out look on life. I even wore a smile that could raise the dead and when asked how I was doing, I impressively responded, "Great, everything is just wonderful!" My internal self was decaying and all my external presentation, my going through the motions of wellness, was not helping me but making me feel like a fake and a liar not only to myself but to everyone I spoke to. I was NOT okay! I was still hurting, still being eaten alive by the pains of my past, which because of their devastating impact, were not solely my past but my present as well. The people around me though, they felt better about me and for me. I was smiling, laughing and saying positive things, so I guess I was doing fine in their eyes. Right? Making them feel comfortable and without felling the obligation of being responsive to my needs. This "forgive and let go" delusion is for the benefit of those who are not suffering, not for the struggling survivor. It is not to make things easier for the suffering but easier for the non suffering to manage the smell of emotional decay in their presence!
Who is telling victim abusers to let go of their past so that they can move on in their lives and have better days free of guilt and shame? Who is telling them to let go of their past offenses and get over their impulses to further abuse? Are we not holding the victim abuser accountable, responsible? Then it is our responsibility as leaders and people of support to encourage emotional self defense training, genuine recovery, internal repair, and "complete being rebuilding" rather than passive resistance and futile attempts at ignoring or burying the past. Dismissing the past is not the answer for victim or abuser. Out of sight is not out of mind for the abused. The "Forgive and Let Go" process is nonsense, and shame on any organization or leader that supports such foolish counsel! The advice to think and speak positively about life, and "just let go" is dangerous and creates victims of false recovery. Please, let's stop adding to the crimes against struggling survivors. These individuals do not want to learn how to pacify themselves, they want to know how to heal, how to become a valued part of life. Let's be willing to provide just counsel and put and end to pacification.
Copyright 2006-2007 Ms. Rachel E. Milano
Left hand vs Right hand
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Posted by REM
at 08:10 AM on May 23, 2008
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Greetings,
A questions dawned on me
yesterday. I asked myself... "If your left hand was male and your
right hand was female, and you, being female, favored your right hand,
would you tie up your left hand in order to remain productive in this
world simply because your left hand was male?"
Today,
we women have created a "man made" women's issue that goes beyond what
we intended when the battle for equal rights under the law began. Our
men are angry and bitter, full of resentment and alienation simply
because we have tied their hand behind our backs! Men and women alike
who seek to suppress and degrade the opposite sex, please consider what
you are doing.
I speak to my women because
I am of your kind, but we are all huMan. Untie your sexist ways and
mentalities before you cripple our kind for generations to come! Men
have a valuable place in our society and in our families AND in our
beds! Stop humiliating them in TV/Radio commercials, talk shows,
screen works and in conversations with your friends! Support the
strengths of our GOOD men, hold them accountable for their weaknesses
and offer help when they are in need!
Every
GOOD woman who gives birth to a boy desires to raise a strong man, but
due to our extremest ways, we have nurtured a society which has lost
it's balance. If we continue on this course and are not careful in
how we treat the men around us, our boys will grow up in a world of
men who consistently curse and abuse women for the hatred they have
shown toward them. This battle of the sexes has gone on too long and
is now endangering the welfare of our children's generation. It simply
must come to an end!
Help our men see that
we are not what Bitc*** are made of, we are not what Ho** are made of,
we are what Love is made of JUST LIKE THEY ARE! It takes TWO hands to
kneed bread ladies... untie the other hand, let our men do their parts
and our bread, our creative energy, our achievements, our children, our
communities, our world will yield prosperity for huManity! "Two hands
in is a win win!" Don't fool yourselves, men's issues are woman's
issue, let's stop taking our men for granted... strive for balance of
the sexes! Highlight a man for his strengths and underscore his
weaknesses! You can make a difference with just this ONE women's
issue! Love and light, never give up the fight!
This e-mail blast has been brought to you by:
Author of The Mosaic: Shattered Pieces and Public Speaker on Traumatic Abuse Prevention and Recovery Motivation, Ms. Rachel Milano
In all you do, be well... and do not keep
silent,
Ms. Rachel Milano
Dog Tags
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Posted by REM
at 09:28 PM on May 21, 2008
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Greetings to all Struggling Survivors and the people they touch,
Are
you, or do you know of someone who is a house mate being consistantly
verbally or physically abused? Are you or they considering moving out
of the home? Then this message is for them or for you.
Why
should YOU move out of YOUR house? Remember, you are the victim in
this circumstance, the one being threatened... go to a judge, file an
order of protection from abuse, state your reasons why you feel
threatened, and let the judge order him or her out. There is no reason
why you should be emotionally muscled out of your own home. If you
share a space with someone who is threatening you, then you are not
safe, not at all. He or she is volatile to say the least and
escalating aggressions could lead to far worse circumstances for you.
If he/she has touched you inappropriately/aggressively, things will
only escalate and you will be far more injured having to face recovery
issues you never thought you would have to endure.
You
would be wise to keep your distance... the best way to put a stop to an
abusive situation is distance. There is no convincing this person that
you are doing anything right. If you have expressed your concern, then
the information has been delivered... he/she is aware of your feelings
of violation, don't stick around in hopes to see improvement when
he/she clearly won't show respect for your concerns. Remember, he/she
has already sh** on you, so it is too difficult in ones state of rage
to see you as other than their personal receptacle. The line of friend
to victim has already been crossed and you have already enabled this
person to do so, that being said, at this point... in this
person's mind... you are free target. You will not be able to change
his/her views on this because most victim-abusers feel they have the
upper hand, thus as the victim you are stupid and know nothing and they
are the powerful ones who dominate and control YOU... in other words,
you don't tell them sh**... THEY TELL YOU. This is their created
reality... but it is NOT reality!
Has
he/she ever called you out of your name? Using tags for you such as:
Bit**, Ho*, MTFu****, SOB, etc." Using these dog tag names means that
the value he/she had on your relationship is now meaningless. Your
name personalizes your identity in ones mind, keeps you a person rather
than an object of his aggression. (The element of human dignity lies
within ones name) Now that you are "bit**" or "SOB" rather than your
given name, he/she could do anything to you... anything!
Here
is an additional concern... do you have a pet? Victim-abusers have
commonly been known to be cruel to animals and if he/she is already
doing things in your home to instigate you, and you are non-responsive,
he/she will search for things which you hold dearest in order to force
you into being responsive. Quite frankly, your pet is just as
vulnerable to your circumstances as you are.
You
MUST be free to live, you are not meant to be a prisoner of your own
home, neither is your pet. If you live in a situation similar to this,
you are emotionally hostage to this person. I know that finding a new
place... or a temporary place until he/she leaves might be difficult,
but if you can remove yourself and your pet from the environment
immediately it would be in both your best interests. DO NOT LET
HIM/HER make you feel ashamed of what HE/SHE is doing to you. Telling
others that you are not safe is GOOD! GET HELP, you may not have to do
this alone and there may be a way to get help for your pet as well. In
the end, you will do what you can do, what you deem is best for you. I
wish you the best! Love and light and never give up the fight...
This e-mail blast has been brought to you by:
Author of The Mosaic: Shattered Pieces and Public Speaker on Traumatic Abuse Prevention and Recovery Motivation, Ms. Rachel Milano
In all you do, be well... and do not keep silent,
Ms. Rachel Milano
A Poem for Heather
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Posted by REM
at 07:30 AM on May 19, 2008
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comments (0)
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Dear Sis,
tonight I light a candle
your life I love and miss
sometimes I can't handle
The reality that you're not here
here, yes, but not so much
I wish to hear you full of cheer
to shop, do our nails and such
Remember on the bus that day?
we sang real loud to the driver
I still hear your voice that way
loud like mine only then, liver
Remember how I took those beatings for you?
I'd take 10,000 more for another hug
beating done you'd comfort me, a love true
those tender arms that held me snug
The older I get, faint grows your voice
sis, I don't want to forget you ever
that you're gone and I'm here is life's choice
I will hold on, letting you go... never
So I light this candle in your honor
every month remembering the seven years
of love, of presence, for just one hour
Maybe this time, I'll even shed some tears
Cleanse the lost till I find you near
I light this fire to make the world aware
children like you have the right not to fear
for their life when in danger or lack of care
Winds, carry this message as a kiss
may you rest in peace eternally
You were a light in this world, sis
now I can shine my light brightly
http://www.youtube.com/MsRachelMilano
tonight I light a candle
your life I love and miss
sometimes I can't handle
The reality that you're not here
here, yes, but not so much
I wish to hear you full of cheer
to shop, do our nails and such
Remember on the bus that day?
we sang real loud to the driver
I still hear your voice that way
loud like mine only then, liver
Remember how I took those beatings for you?
I'd take 10,000 more for another hug
beating done you'd comfort me, a love true
those tender arms that held me snug
The older I get, faint grows your voice
sis, I don't want to forget you ever
that you're gone and I'm here is life's choice
I will hold on, letting you go... never
So I light this candle in your honor
every month remembering the seven years
of love, of presence, for just one hour
Maybe this time, I'll even shed some tears
Cleanse the lost till I find you near
I light this fire to make the world aware
children like you have the right not to fear
for their life when in danger or lack of care
Winds, carry this message as a kiss
may you rest in peace eternally
You were a light in this world, sis
now I can shine my light brightly
http://www.youtube.com/MsRachelMilano
From the forward to "The Mosaic; Shattered Pieces" by Ms. Rachel E. Milano
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Posted by REM
at 09:26 AM on May 15, 2008
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comments (0)
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"I wanted to be an open example of the
positive statistics that do exist throughout our nation. Our
society highlights the negative statistics when it should
delight in the positive ones. It says that if you were a victim
of sexual assault as a child, you are more likely to become
a sex offender; if you were raised by an alcoholic you are
more likely to become an alcoholic, et cetera. I write this
book standing for all of those who challenge themselves to
prove the least likely. We can be the majority.
It is not natural to fi ght for our freedom to thrive.
Unfortunately, the only way to thrive beyond survival is to
fi ght for it. Those of us who live out the positive statistics
hold up our fl ags of freedom knowing we fight intently and
daily for that privilege."
By Rachel E. Milano
positive statistics that do exist throughout our nation. Our
society highlights the negative statistics when it should
delight in the positive ones. It says that if you were a victim
of sexual assault as a child, you are more likely to become
a sex offender; if you were raised by an alcoholic you are
more likely to become an alcoholic, et cetera. I write this
book standing for all of those who challenge themselves to
prove the least likely. We can be the majority.
It is not natural to fi ght for our freedom to thrive.
Unfortunately, the only way to thrive beyond survival is to
fi ght for it. Those of us who live out the positive statistics
hold up our fl ags of freedom knowing we fight intently and
daily for that privilege."
By Rachel E. Milano
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